Halloween - I’m back!

This post, planned pre-11/5 was supposed to be all about the hilarity and fun I had at ‘my Halloween Party, sponsored by Yale University’ as I was referring to it in the lead up to it. And then the election happened.

I have found, repeatedly throughout my life, that when big things happen, it’s usually best for me to let them lie for a bit, rather than react and rush to document them immediately. In this case, yes, the tone and tenor of this post is now very different than it would have been, had I gotten to it sooner. But I can’t help thinking now that this is for the best.

The last couple of Octobers, the High Holy Month, as I have liked to think of it have been brutal. Without delving into the details, two years ago, my brother had just died. Last year, my ‘ex’ mother-in-law was dying and ultimately breathed her last just over a week before Halloween.

So this felt like it was going to be ‘the year’ I could finally say, “Halloween! I’m back!!!” And in some very important ways, I was able to do just that. One of my best friends and I celebrated in lots of different ways all month long, some better than others (Sleepy Hollow was a bust but WaterFire Providence was great!), but all part of the experience. Everything was leading to the grand climax of Halloween Week in which this party, Halloween itself and giving out candy before going to a party, were to take place.

The party itself was amazing. Decorations - on point. Playlist - popular, up to a point. Attendees - lots of folks I was thrilled to see and new people I got to meet. Folks who helped before and during - amazing people. By the end, I was totally satisfied that it had all gone almost entirely as planned. I even got a demon to get on his knees and beg. (That’s a story for another time!)

And then November rolled around. The stress just kept winding up, bit by bit, like a rope being pulled beyond its capacity, individual threads starting to snap. The uncertainty of it all was probably the worst and encapsulated perfectly by someone on TikTok who said essentially, “Anyone else feeling the I don’t want to get my hopes up and it’s like 2016, but want to be optimistic because this would be incredible, but it’s so close, once again, how is that possible, and yet this is the US so….”

A lot of digital ink is being spilled and will be spilled for some time to come regarding the election itself. But I can only say, for myself, the first 24 hours were awful. Fear, anxiety, terror, disbelief…all vying for center stage. And then that evening, another event I was the lead in organizing, a queer mixer for three different schools, prompted me to do what I do best: get going to make something happen. After speaking with a co-organizer, we agreed we’d carry on.

Having not been able to focus much on event itself because of the aforementioned stress, it wasn’t until that afternoon that I realized I hadn’t thought about music. I rushed home to get my bluetooth speaker before heading to the venue. As I was setting it up, I turned to my co-organizer and said, “We HAVE to have music. It’ll feel like a wake otherwise.” I hit play on the same playlist I’d used for the last mixer and “Dancing Queen” filled the room. My co-organizer turned to me and said, “Oh my god you’re right. I’m already feeling better!”

The rest of the evening went well. We gave some space for folks to speak and then I concluded by reading “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou. Driving home that evening, I could feel it. I was remembering myself, who I am. This is something Cayetana excels at: bringing people together. And, this just might be a super power in the days, weeks, years to come. We need each other now more than ever. We need each other for comfort. We need each other for confidence. We need each other, should to shoulder, to march into battle. I will forever believe that this is our singular advantage. While they fight for themselves, their narrow view of what is right, and sadly for many of them, for hate, we fight for each other, for our belief in a better world for everyone, and yes, for love.

So yes, expect more parties. Joy in the face of hate and vitriol is resistance. Community in the face of attempts to divide is defiance. I’m back!